Alexa, Play "Traitor" By Olivia Rodrigo
Unpacking the third season of "The Traitors" and who I want to compete in the next season.
One week has passed since the season three finale of The Traitors, and I am already craving more. Alan Cumming’s wardrobe and Lala have a hold on me!
Before I get ahead of myself, I wanted to unpack this season. Then, I will get ahead of myself and share who I would love to compete in the next season.
Also, if anyone from casting happens to read this and decides to bring back non-celebrities to future seasons, I am available and willing.
**If you haven’t watched or finished this season, then don’t read ahead, as there might be spoilers.**
The Contestants:
There isn’t enough time or space to talk about all 23 players this season, so I will focus on the Traitors and Faithfuls who had an impact (or lack thereof… looking at you, Ivar) but will save the winners for below.
Give Danielle an Emmy for her performance in Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Crash Out. The more I sit with this season, the more I have to give her credit. Did she annoy me most of the game? Yes. Did she commit to the bit? Too much. However, I wonder if the season would have been as entertaining without her antics and the reactions that they caused. I’m not saying I need her crying on the floor like Meryl Streep in August: Osage County, but she at least got the conversation and opinions flowing.
She makes a case for crashing out and still (almost) winning. I give her (some) props for making it as far as she did.
I can’t get over the fact that she and Britney were beefing over something that happened on a show that got taken off of Paramount+. Don’t ask me the name of said show because I don’t know it. It might be something about reindeer.
As for Britney’s performance, her time to shine came late in the game. I think she did a good job at the final roundtable, but it wasn’t enough to save her. She didn’t have enough screen time during the season to allow viewers to truly root for her. With her eventually being recruited, I wish production had given Britney more threads in the edit (assuming there were more). I think she could have been a good Traitor if she had been chosen originally or recruited much earlier. Her “Don’t come for me unless I send for you” at the final roundtable made me laugh. C’mon, student of Kenya Moore University! There were nachos in the student dining hall, and she took a few plates!
As for the other fallen Traitors, pour one out for Carolyn. I have a soft spot for her. An underdog. I wish she and Danielle would have gotten along enough to work together, but it was simply a disaster in that turret. I was sad to see her and her whacky tattoos ousted. If they ever do an All-Stars, I need her back, and I need her to win!
I will always root for Bob The Drag Queen or any contestant from Drag Race. It always feels like the cast doesn’t know how to interact with them, which is weird. God forbid someone is passionate! I think BTDQ made the mistake of putting a target on Boston Rob’s back, even though it didn’t seem that serious to me. I had a grudge against Boston Rob and his backward cap, but I grew to tolerate him after he sweetly talked Ciara through the disgusting bug challenge. He was also more carefree and fun at the reunion. I can’t hate a “girl dad” too much!
The Faithfuls as a whole were all over the place. MESSica Simpson! It took them forever to move the needle, and they kept voting out the most random people. Someone would get an inkling about Danielle or Boston Rob, then completely ignore it. I will give them the benefit of the doubt that some of the roundtable arguing got edited out, but why were y’all still letting them get away with murder?
No Tom Sandoval redemption tour formed against me shall prosper! I am laughing at him, NOT with him. We can chuckle at his Willy Wonka hat, but I will never forget the evil he has unlocked during his time on Earth. He might be “entertaining”, but he will always remind me of Sportacus (derogatory) from Lazytown. (You know his weird self would be kicking and flipping like that.)
Honestly, I didn’t need Wes or Derrick to join the game in episode two. Neither of them made a real impression other than me wishing it had been better choices. Wes’s banishment speech was corny. I don’t need a white man telling anyone he’s better than everyone else! I have nothing for Derrick and his “detective” skills, although he did try to get Boston Rob out, and everyone flipped on him instead. Flop cop!
As for who else made an impression from the banished Faithfuls? Justice for Ciara! I feel like she came into her own as the season progressed and had good instincts. They would not let her breathe during the game because of the coffin murders, though. She deserved better! I wish she had made it to the end, but we can’t have it all.
Everyone else was there! I hope they had a lovely time and a great daily rate!
The Challenges:
BORING! ❌🛑🚫‼️🆘
If you asked me how much money they had banked by the finale, I could not tell you. I genuinely forgot they were playing for a prize.
The critter challenge was disgusting, and I would have sued for emotional distress. The chess challenge was fine, mostly because of Kate and Parvati’s commentary. However, it led to Carolyn’s downfall, even if it was sort of her fault, so I couldn’t enjoy it too much. The helicopter challenge in the finale was incredibly random, especially after a season of lackluster ones. A lot of the challenges felt low budget or like they were planned at the same level as an arts and crafts project at summer camp.
The only challenge that I truly enjoyed was when they had to find the dolls with the nursery rhymes, and Tom spent the entire time singing (badly) into the telephone, while Ivar looked lost and Alan laughed at him. Sam Asghari nibbled with “terrible singing,” and that’s all I will give him.
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Why were there so many shields this season? Whose idea was this, and where can I file a complaint? Every challenge became about everyone and their mother finding shields, which left the already boring challenges feeling pointless! I do think it helped bring suspicion to certain people, but I was simply not having a good time.
I understand that the competitors want to stay in the game for as long as possible, but can they at least pretend to care about the challenges beyond shields? Maybe production needs to eliminate them or create an alternative outside of the challenge that keeps their head in the game. We need something to change for next season!
The Finale and Winners:
The pacing of the finale was weird because of the previous episode's cliffhanger. The editors wanted us to believe it would end up being Ivar going home, but it ended up being Danielle. Britney stabbing her in the back twice is crazy, even if the first time was in a game nobody watched.
Why did they choose to introduce the Seer in the final two episodes? It was anticlimactic, especially with it going to Britney. It felt like a nothing salad that had no real influence on the competition. Production needs to rethink when and why they introduce some of these twists. Make it have a real impact!
A lot of people thought the episode was boring for a finale, especially when compared to the rest of the season. I don’t necessarily disagree, but I still enjoyed the outcome. It’s probably because my picks made it out alive, so it felt like a satisfying conclusion.
When we got to The Fire of Truth, I was worried Dylan might try and banish Gabby. I am glad he trusted his gut. Miss Guided no more! If Ivar or Dolores had messed this up, I would have been mad, but they made the right decision to end the game.
Alan truly looked like this meme of Selena Gomez wrapped in the blanket.
And the winners are…….
🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁
Gabby, Dylan Ivar, and Dolores!
gaggy WINdey! gaggy WINdey! gaggy WINdey!
Gabby deserved to win because she gave us such good television AND was good at the game. The roundtable where Danielle tried to get her banished, but she talked her way out of it AND got no votes? It plays in my head on a loop! She didn’t have a traitor protecting her, had multiple fingers pointed in her direction, and still made it out a victor. I was terrified that Britney was going to get her out, but the prayer circle formed around her by millions of LGBTQIA+ members persevered!!! 🙏
I haven’t stopped laughing at her “housewife tagline” since she was on WWHL.
Dylan would not LET THE MOUSE GO with Gabby all season. I was happy for him, but not TOO happy because of that. He had good gameplay, even though he seemed to align himself with the Traitors and not banish them. Thinking about it more, it could have been strategic, but he finally got wise to getting them out when it mattered. It’s just sad that it was Carolyn on the receiving end. He did it to Danielle, too, so I guess it’s fair and the point of the game, but he could have done it to Boston Rob sooner!
Ivar is British and said that playing this game was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, so I have nothing for him. I wish I could say the same, but we can’t all be royals (derogatory), I guess!
Dolores, sure. I don’t go to RHONJ High, so I don’t know what her deal is. She has ~allegedly~ done some unsavory things, so do with that what you will!
I can’t be that mad about Ivar and Dolores slithering their way into winning if it meant Gabby won as well. The real MVPs are Gabby and Dylan, anyway!
The Reunion:
It’s hilarious that Andy refuses to let Alan have his nachos. I’m sure someone will tell me that there are contractual obligations that render Andy the host of every reunion or something, but it still makes me giggle.
The reunion was mostly fine. Dorinda did too much in terms of arguing with Bob The Drag Queen. It was simply not that serious, but this is the same person who gave us “CLIP 🤏🏻!” I liked how everyone came in at different times, so it wasn’t just twenty people screaming over each other. Some of the competitors barely spoke (I forgot Robyn was there), which tracks with what they did during the game.
I appreciated that Danielle didn’t take herself too seriously, even though the awards at the end were dumb. It seemed like they cut a lot of arguing out, and most of the tension felt unresolved. It wasn’t a major holiday, and I don’t think it was worth the hour I spent watching it, but we move along.
Final Thoughts:
For next season, improvements could be made regarding:
reinvigorating challenges
eliminating shields (or at least keeping it to one or two)
being more creative in who is chosen as a Traitor
using twists earlier and making them have a lasting impact on the game
If production is going to interfere, do a better job next go around!
Alan is also such a fun host, though, and I love that he plays an exaggerated character version of himself. It’s camp! I will never get tired of him (especially when he breaks).
Overall, it was an entertaining season. I would give it an 8/10. At the end of the day, I could watch multiple seasons of this show a year!
Side note: I had a great time gabbing and cackling about each episode in Hunter Harris’s Hung Up chat (I am sure 99.9% of you already follow her top-tier newsletter lol). Hunter is so great at building community online, and her commentary, along with everyone else’s, is always so funny. The Hung Up chats, regardless of topic, feel like the golden age of Twitter. El*n, you’re NOTHING!
Also, I won’t apologize for all the references to reheating nachos. I had to get them out of my system somewhere!
12 people I want to compete in the next season:
I don’t watch Survivor or The Challenge, and I haven’t seen a season of Big Brother in years, so I can’t pretend to know who is on those shows. Sorry to the gamers, but that is just not my ministry!
You can suggest people from those shows in the comments, and I will watch compilations of them on YouTube (or intend to and never get to them). The "Best of Carolyn" YouTube compilation is lovely, btw.
12 is a bit random, but it felt right. More than 10. Not as big of a commitment as 20.
Tiffany “New York” Pollard: I don’t think there’s a show I would not put her on the list for. Thinking about her at a roundtable is enough to want her on the next season. She could make a fun Faithful or Traitor.
Mistress Isabelle Brooks: MIB brought the drama to her season of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Bring this Latina queen on! Make them a Traitor. They will be the villain we need!
Club Chalamet: I’m not sure if niche micro-influencers count as celebrities, but can you imagine her bringing the same energy to the roundtable as she does to her tweets?
Mary Cosby: I am already in tears imagining her in the challenges. Put her on a zipline, and she will activate. She would bring intentional and unintentional humor to every moment in the castle.
Angie Katsaneves: A pillar of the Greek community, one who will form a dynamic duo with Mary. We know she can play dirty. (I don’t condone her insane text, but it did make for compelling television.) I could see her having some iconic lines.
Frankie Grande: Every season needs the sibling of someone more famous. I watched Frankie’s season of Big Brother and think he could be a fun addition to the next season. Make him a Traitor!
Matt Rogers: He is a student of game shows, so I feel like he could play a strategic game. I could see him being a good Traitor hunter, which this season seemed to lack. Good gameplay + humor + a strong social game!
Tabatha Coffey: She would take over the castle! An absolutely no-nonsense person, who I need back on my screen. She is not afraid to fight or call someone out. We need her energy on the show!
Crystal Kung Minkoff: I have been enjoying her podcast, Humble Brag (not sponsored lol), and she wants to be on the show. Based on the crazy stories she has, I think she could be a wild card. I would make her a Traitor!
Cynthia Bailey: The other half of the Humble Brag podcast. I feel like she could be an unexpectedly good Faithful/Traitor hunter. We need someone level-headed in the cast, and she could fulfill that role.
Jo Frost/Supernanny: I will admit this is a random choice, but we need an authority figure. Who better than the Supernanny herself? She could be an unexpected choice to be a Traitor. Walk with me here!
Nene Leakes: Picture Nene and New York in the same season. I need to see it happen. Nene seems to be back in good standing with NBC, so this feels like the right time. She would boost ratings and make people crumble at the roundtable.
Before you go:
I will miss watching this show on Thursday nights. I think I love it so much because it reminds me of playing Avalon in college. I can’t wait to see the cast announced for next season. Maybe I will get a few correct!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this season and who you want to compete on the show in the comments!
That housewives tagline 😂😂😂. It would be up there with some of the all of fame.
Also I agree I would love to see Mary Crosby on the show. I have no idea how she would act but I think she's really smart.
frankie grande and new york absolutely!! i just watched new york on house of villains and i want her on my screen every day forever.
as a survivor watcher, from recent years, maryanne oketch would be great - super bubbly and outgoing and a bit manic in a way that was offputting to other players at first but she ends up being totally beloved esp by fans.